Before I give my thoughts on Ch. 3, I want to thank everyone for their brutal honesty in your initial responses to the first chapter. Real life is shared when we drop the mask, and it's very encouraging to see you trusting each other right out of the gate.
Speaking of brutal honesty, let me open up about one of my personal "fears" (for lack of a better word). I grew up very career-minded. First, here's the quote from Ch. 3 that hit the bullseye of this fear, and then I will elaborate:
"...tension can bring fear. Being in vocational ministry, ushering in anything new may cause us to abandon forms that has brought us great respect, self-esteem, and probably our livlihoods. Tension also comes when you KNOW you can't go back to present forms of church, but you DON"T know what going forward will look like or what it will cost us in life, focus, family, or finances.
I grew up very career-minded. I wanted to do something that would a) help people, b) provide a good, comfortable income for my family and one that would enable me to bless others financially as well, and c) enable me to spend good, quality time with my family (growing up a dentist's kid, DK for short, that's what dad gave and modeled to us--it was a fantastic, Godly way to be raised).
I went to a college prep high school which taught that you go to college to get a career to accomplish a, b, and c. So that's what I did when I chose to pursue a career in physical therapy out of high school, attending the University of Puget Sound. Fast-forwarding to the end of my first semester, I distinctly heard the Lord challenge me that He had called me to go into "ministry," but that I was ducking Him a bit (or a lot) because that "career" didn't quite fulfill a, b, and c (ESPECIALLY "B"). However I wanted to fulfill God's call on my life, so I quit the physical therapy route and instead obtained a BA in "Pastoral Ministry" in Bible college (veeeeeeeeeery useful in the American marketplace). (Note not-so-suttle sarcasm in previous parenthetical statement)
So even thought I know I had said "yes" to God no matter what, the mindset of go-to-college-and-get-paid-for-the-"job"-you-studied-for was (and still is) hard to shake. I'm 13 years into this after graduating from LIFE Bible College, and I still struggle with it, even though Amy and I have been so blessed to have our "ministry job" be the main source of income for our family all of those years. That brings me to the present day. Not only are we planting a church (which I really thought we would never do), but are, in addition, planting one with a missional/incarnational approach.
When I read Hugh's quote, it made me realize that I was saying "yes" to God all over again. Even though this is something I have wanted to do all my life, I have always known that it didn't set well in the "professional ministry" paradigm (at least not in one that pays well!). I was talking to James and Monica (fellow bible college grads and sharers in this tension) about this last week. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WILLING TO BE A TENTMAKER! The problem is I have no discernible marketplace skills (no one would stay dry in one of my tents). I have always been willing to go back to school to obtain said skill (most likely in the medical support field), but the Lord has made it very clear the HE would provide for our family, and my decision to do otherwise would be a blatant act of distrust. He has proved Himself faithful thus far, and I know He will continue to do so as we move in obedience. It doesn't make it any easier, but I would be lying to you if I said I didn't feel an equal amount of exhilaration KNOWING that I am following His lead despite my own logic and tendancies ("kind of like the feeling you get when you climb the rope in gym class..."--Garth, "Waynes World," 1991).
So there you have it. I'm a little scared spitless. But my knowledge of "Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us" (Eph. 3:20) makes it even more frightning to stop short in trusting in Him. Thus, we will enjoy the ride, knowing that Eph. 3:20 turns into v. 21: "to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
I won't apologize for the length of this (nor do I ever want YOU to apologize for anything you write)--It's a biggie for me. Thanks for listening. Love you guys!
Jason
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4 comments:
Ok, I am learning a lot of new terms as I read this book. I've been thinking a lot about Jason's response to me last week when I said that Troy and I aren't "In the ministry". As I read this chapter, I started to feel a little left out, as I am not a vocational minister. (new term for me there) This may seem crazy to some of you, but God started letting me see my place in this a little better. I've had a frame of mind that because I am not PAID to be "in the ministry" that I am somehow less committed to it, equiped for it and effective at it. But then it dawned on me...the job in my life that I take the most seriously, and have the most pride in, is my job as mother. The last time I checked, I wasn't drawing a paycheck from that either! I invest every last part of my being into being a mother. I love it, I'm prepared for it, qualified to do it, dedicated to it, and I'm even good at it! I didn't go to college to learn how to do it, but that doesn't stop me from being successful at it. I'm rambling here, but it was a HUGE revalation to me this week! I AM a minister of Christ and I never looked at myself that way before. I can be His love to those around me and be effective even without a certification :) It was a real Ah Ha moment for me.
I also found myself relating to the Jerusalem Christians, rather than the Galilee Christians, and that lead to more realization for me. I am a rule follower, list maker, organizing type of person. The Lord is opening my eyes to the fact that I need to embrace parts of that (It's not all bad and it's how He created me), but also learn how to let go of it at times too, and really see the heart of the matter as He does. So, I guess what I'm saying is that I realize the need to break free of my "Martha" mold and find a little more "Mary" in my life!!!
Another statement in this chapter that LEPT off the page at me was on page 19. "Hundreds of thousands of Christians believe you can't get to heaven without 'praying the sinner's prayer' even thought Jesus granted salvation to many without reference to a person praying a prayer. Even postresurrection, there's no precedence for praying a prayer as the ticket to eternity" WOW! Jesus is all about the heart, isn't he?? How easily I have always fallen into wanting to check the box, cross off the list, follow the correct formula...I am convicted! I want to see the heart as Jesus does and I'm committed breaking out of my old mold :) This is where being in a church such as ours will help me, and meeting more intimately in a small setting is perfect for that. I need the accountability!!
Paulette
Well I think that chapter made me have tremors. To read what I've thought and felt written out was kind of scary and refreshing at the same time.
On page 18 he wrote "You can't go back, but forward doesn't feel much better, because forward may not pay the bills or make it any easier to live the Christian life you've always wanted to live."
When we left the church we were on staff at we felt horrible. I felt like my purpose in life was taken away from me. And we thought we would jump right back into ministry, but after over 10 interviews at churches it's obvious we didn't. I had gotten so confused when some people tell us that we need to just be in some kind of ministry so we don't "loose touch". And other people encouraged us saying we are in full time ministry having our family. And that has been what we keep coming back to.
But I've sure learned a lot over the last two years of being out of "full time ministry". And that is to just be myself. I was always looking at other people and looking for a mold to who I was supposed to become- and I didn't even realize that I was doing it.
The other thing this chapter made me think of is, I've never been real interested in talking about theology and philosophy (I'm not sure I even understand it!) I would much rather talk about Jesus and what he has done and is doing. I fully know that theology is important and there needs to be people that do talk about it. Maybe that's why I work better with kids and youth than adults!
~ Monica
First of all Paulette don't worry a lot of these terms are new to me as well and the part about the sinners prayer really stuck out at me as well that it is just a formula that we have all grown up with and a lot of times don't know any better. And I was reading amy's comment like this as well that we have (at least me as well) I grew up in the church and absolutly loved it and knew that is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life from a very early age. Now God has totally messed with me and I am totally freaking out all the time cause I don't know what I am doing cause I have to break out of some of these molds and just do my best to be like Jesus.
I loved the part where his daughter said I don't want to be a christian or I am not a christian and he said neither am I. I don't want to be a Christian either if it means being the jerk. I want to be one like Jesus loving the unlovly and just all His peeps. But I also know this isn't always easy since I was reading some of these chapters with my unsaved brother, who drinks and SMOKES a ton, don't get me wrong I love my brother deeply but I cannot stand smokers (sorry), but I don't want to see a smoker I want to see someone who desperatly needs the love of the Lord and is really lost and I want to love them.
I also liked the question he had where would we be different if we only had the 4 gospels. Just something to ponder.
Tension. I hate tension completely. It is a feeling I would rather not live with. I like to have a good grasp on life- know what I am doing and where I am going. I like to have a full grasp on theology and let it inform me on the mission of the church.
But I have been questioning things a lot lately. Not theology. Not my faith. But rather if I am truly a Christ follower- in the fullest sense. I shudder to think that somewhere along the way I became more of a church-follower rather than a Christ Follower. Wow- I dont like to admit that!
I am recommitting myself daily-if not minute by minute- to be and to discover what a Christ follower realy is. It is not found in finding my respect and self-esteem in the positional element of vocational ministry (page 18) but in serving,loving and sharing- mirrored in the image of Jesus.
It is my prayer that I- my family- my church- will discover as each day passes- what it really means to follow Christ. It is in that deepest longing and willing to surrender every pretense that we will experience the most adventurous life. It will be a life of surrender- and yet with the greatest joy. I am sure it will have tension too.
~Amy
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